When I came across the famous Serenity Prayer in my reading recently, I was stricken with guilt. For someone like me, who once upon a time contemplated of pursuing a religious life, I thought it was a shame not to recognize that there are circumstances in our life when we simply need to back out, and let go and let God take charge.
Rigidity and stubbornness. They sometimes are human’s biggest stumbling blocks – I included. When I left my job a few weeks ago, I must admit, I felt uncomfortable just watching time pass me by second by second. I am not just used to such idle routine. So, on my first few days I wrote my list of things to do to make myself feel occupied and productive. However, from my experience, I have learned that obsessing to have everything planned and yearning to be always in control are what causes our life to be in a constant drudgery, instead of an exciting journey. The key to happiness, I realized, is learning to roll with life’s challenges as they come, in each moment. Learning to bend a little, and sometimes stretch a little.
So, after weeks now of my being a “free agent” (as my husband teasingly calls me), I have started teaching myself to relax my grip a little. Every time I sense boredom creeping in, I throw myself into something productive like enjoying my hobbies or other interests. Eventually I discover that in letting go, I find myself more.
Painting: It is instinct that encourages me to pull out my brush and play with my watercolor on quiet afternoons when my peepers show no interest to walk down the streets of Lalaland. The art pieces I created may not even pass the beginner level, but I like to think that their naiveté and imperfections, art uniquely mine, are what will eventually make my “free agent” days more meaningful and memorable.
Cooking Challenge: Despite my nightmare history in the kitchen, I was energized and propelled by a friend’s cooking challenge, which I initially accepted, just for fun. Exhilarated by my new activity, I am slowly straightening out my cooking blunders. I noticed that the task is slowly healing my broken relationship with my pots and pans. Indeed time heals all wounds!
Home Design: Driven as much by my eagerness to find a new home as by going back to work again, I tuned in to HGTV to learn more about house hunting and house transformation. I am learning a lot from its shows: from the laborious process of home inspections to the awe inspiring colors and designs of interior decorating. Every bit of information I take note as I intend to use it in my very own “soon to come” DIY project.
So now when I think about all my free time on my hands, I tend to think about more exciting activities than just the boring household chores that might immediately come to mind. When I look at my calendar, I see remarkable possibilities to learn and expand myself. More opportunities to become a better person. Slowly I have stopped fretting; instead, I keep on reminding myself, “since not all good things last, I better seize each moment and live it as if it were my last.”
Update: My husband now has changed my title to an “Unsigned Free Agent.” I wonder what he means by that.